How To Ask For Play?

Dear Mistress:

How do I go about asking my Dominant partner for play & other needs and wants in the context of a D/s dynamic?  

    There are a few things to consider here in terms of relationship structure and dynamic.  How is their relationship structured: is it Dom/sub or Master/Mistress/slave?  

     If it’s D/s, then the submissive has more freedom to directly ask for play. Tell your Dominant what type of play you are looking for & what you need. There is classic negotiation skills at work here. He then can respond with his needs and wants and then you both go forward with the scene. 

     If your relationship is a M/Ms/s dynamic, look back to how you structured and negotiated your M/Ms/s dynamic and proceed accordingly.  Was there a negotiation regarding the slave asking for requests? How are communication issues addressed?  Some relationships don’t allow for the slave to ask for play, while others allow for totally free communication.  It’s all about what you negotiated and agreed to.  

     Of course there will be times where you will need to step out of the M/Ms/s dynamic and talk to each other as equals. There is is a way to structure that within the dynamic. It’s called “Porch Time”. Your Dominant and you pick a designated area where when you meet there and only there, during designated times, you and he are equals. You both speak freely and talk and negotiate or resolve issues.  Porch Time doesn’t have to be the porch, it can be the backyard, the laundry room, it can be anywhere you designate. 

    I love this approach because it maintains the dynamic while allowing for resolutions and growth of both the relationship and the M/Ms/s dynamic.