The 31 Year Old Virgin

Dear Mistress:

I’m a guy who identifies as a submissive. I feel uncomfortable telling possible future sex partners that at the age of thirty-one I am still a virgin. Do you have any advice for me?


31 Year Old Virgin

Dear Virgin,

Mistress is a great believer in therapy.  I always say, “you need a therapist, and so do I.” You may discover what is keeping you from experiencing sexual intimacy by taking this step. Also, social interactions, where one has to understand and respond to social cues may be difficult for you if you’re somewhere on the spectrum. I’m not saying that you are, but some folks who are on the spectrum do experience issues of this kind.

There are, however, men and women who are simply asexual.  But considering that you’ve written for advice, this may not be the case for you. Or maybe it is. Therapy can help you find out. Do consider talking to a professional. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom provides a listing of kink aware professionals including therapists at  One of them may help you discover the joys of sex.